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When Mother’s Day Hurts: Infertility and the Silent Struggle

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Mother’s Day is a beautiful time of celebration for many. But for those who are walking the difficult path of infertility, it can be a day of heartache, quiet grief, and unspoken longing. While others are surrounded by flowers, cards, and family gatherings, many women feel left out of a celebration that touches the deepest part of their identity and hope. Why It Hurts Infertility is a private sorrow that often goes unseen. Every pregnancy announcement, baby shower, or Mother’s Day tribute can feel like a reminder of what hasn’t happened yet—or what may never come. The pain is real, even if it’s invisible to others. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland once compassionately said: “To you who are single, widowed, divorced, or have no children, I say: Do not lose hope. The Lord loves you. He knows your heart. He has not forgotten you.” —Jeffrey R. Holland, “Because She Is a Mother”, April 1997 This reassurance is vital. God sees the whole picture. He understands the desires of our hearts and ho...
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The Battle to Be Still

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Post surgery I continue to hear the phrase "just rest!" It's ironic because this phrase has created an internal and external battle for me. I have not been blessed with the gift of being still. In fact, if the scriptures were written about me it would say, "Be busy, and try to stay out of God's way". Don't worry, I won't change the scriptures, I'll try to adapt myself to the Bible as it stands. First I will illustrate part of the problem I face in adapting to being still. Let me share some real life examples that make it hard to slow down. "Hey Ashley I know you have surgery today, but I have a question..." "Hey don't do too much... but could you make sure you are here for the four terminations we have on Thursday? Can you also finish payroll. Oh, and we need some severance packages too" "Hey Ashley just make sure you rest... but could you start working with a loan officer to buy the house? Would you mind review...
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Ode to the "Great Harvester"

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For two years I have had a companion in the "great harvester". I'll never forget when I woke up in the hospital in 2022 and there was a bag attached to my side. I was told prior to the surgery that there was a 2% chance of such an event, but I couldn't understand how it had happened. The kindest nurse came in and tried to make it ok. She told me that naming things attached to our body can make them become less of a burden, and more of a blessing. At the time I wasn't in much of a joking mood, but tried to keep my humor... this Stoma would literally touch everything I ever ate. Thus the birth of the great harvester. During the past several years I cannot count the number of uncomfortable situations I have shared with the Great Harvester. Sometimes my stoma was far too powerful for the accompany bag and would spread it's goodness all over everywhere, and mostly all over me. Carrying an extra change of clothes (or three) became the norm. I learned very quic...
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Becoming Better, Not Bitter

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Have you ever sat wondering why God was mad at you? Somehow you must have sinned, or done something that would cause punishment for all of these really hard trials and challenges to be happening in your life. Perhaps you began to take an inventory reviewing your choices with a fine tooth comb to try and figure out when it all went wrong. You may have begun to compare yourself with others and notice how much better, or worse than they are from you. Perhaps there were lots of tears, prayers, and confusion. This is how it felt for me. It challenged my perspective of the God I believe in. You see, I thought the God that I knew was a loving God who created miracles in the lives of His children. I had been far from perfect, but was striving to be a good person, to keep the commandments, and even to serve others around me. I'd just finished an incredibly rigrous education and was excited to begin working in my chosen field of business and making a difference. My only desire was for...
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Finding love during a pandemic

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The year 2020 will be in history books forever. Lives have been lost, families have been separated, and we have been wearing masks for the past 11 months and counting. We are living a "new normal". Today Nathan and I would like to publically apologize that it took the world shutting down to create the biggest miracle of our lives. Thank you world for taking one for the team, team Dawes! You see, during this year of crazy two mid single adults who were lonely and bored decided to return to the mutual dating app. Neither had any hope of it going anywhere, but in a moment of something that can only be described as God inpsired, two folks both swiped right. A conversation began and a shy fella and a sassy lady made a connection. That's right, a connection was formed in a pandemic. In the beginning the world was shut down and getting together was not an option. Thankfully technology had us covered. We began with virtual dates. Facebook messenger became our newest date loca...
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Taking out the trash

While growing up my parents frequently asked me to take out the trash. It is a simple task, but if you don't do it weird smells can fill the entire kitchen, and at times the entire hours. This can make living everyday life less enjoyable. It may sound strange, but it made me think, couldn't the same be true for clearing the trash out of souls? Dating for me has been more adventurous than I care to admit. Many young men have sadly been more interested in having an object than a relationship. This happened to me again pretty recently. My friend of over a year decided to cross the friend boundary and make things more complicated. Long story short he wanted a physical relationship only when he wanted it and when it suited him best. He wanted me to come when he called and on his terms. He pushed boundaries and ignored the word no. He didn't make me feel too good. In fact, he made me feel like trash. Suddenly someone I trusted and often relied on became someone that I ...
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The Songs I Cannot Sing

Thoughts swirling in my head. “you would be better off dead”, “Just quit trying, you are tried” and other precarious versions along the same lines. Darkness surrounding me, sadness from a depth I can’t identify. Anxiety at an all time high. Sleep, I can’t get enough sleep, 10 or 12 hours and still so exhausted. Making plans and committing to anything becomes an overwhelming burden. Being in charge of anyone in any scenario becomes the hardest of all. Others depending on me when I can’t depend on myself. Tears, fountains of tears.   I hear in my head, “Help! You need help!” Jeffery R Holland said, “Among the realities we face as children of God living in a fallen world is that some days are difficult, days when our faith and our fortitude are tested. These challenges may come from a lack in us, a lack in others, or just a lack in life, but whatever the reasons, we find they can rob us of songs we so much want to sing”   Oh how I want to sing the joy filled songs. “Wh...
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