The Battle to Be Still

Post surgery I continue to hear the phrase "just rest!" It's ironic because this phrase has created an internal and external battle for me. I have not been blessed with the gift of being still. In fact, if the scriptures were written about me it would say, "Be busy, and try to stay out of God's way". Don't worry, I won't change the scriptures, I'll try to adapt myself to the Bible as it stands. First I will illustrate part of the problem I face in adapting to being still. Let me share some real life examples that make it hard to slow down. "Hey Ashley I know you have surgery today, but I have a question..." "Hey don't do too much... but could you make sure you are here for the four terminations we have on Thursday? Can you also finish payroll. Oh, and we need some severance packages too" "Hey Ashley just make sure you rest... but could you start working with a loan officer to buy the house? Would you mind reviewing all of your assets and gathering all data needed to proceed with that?" "Hey Ashley, don't worry about it- just rest"...actually, I'm not feeling up to it, I'm sorry, can you handle it?" Let me clarify, no one means to add to the load that I create in my own mind... but sometimes reality crashes into us. These are just a few request externally. Add in the list from my own brain and sitting still is a joke. ( my own list: do your ministering, clean the house, take care of your husband, learn new talents, work on the primary program, visit those who are struggling, write some thank you cards, clean the car, go to work, fix morale, and basically do it all) This week God has been trying to teach me a lesson. As I stood up from the surgeon's table my body felt limp extremely weak. I was taken to the emergecy room where I did actually faint. I'm told that I was dehydrated and needed just to rest. It was laughabale. There it was again. The same advice I'd been given for the past few weeks. What was I going to do about it? In fear that I would not ever learn my lesson I proceeded to take the next day off. I determined that other than a couple of doctor's appointments I stayed home and rested. Wouldn't you know it, the day that I stopped, God provided for us. A wonderful sister from our ward that I don't even know reached out randomly and offered us dinner. My ministering sisters stopped by to visit and see what help I needed. Elder Renlund said: “If a desired blessing from God has not been received—yet—you do not need to go crazy, wondering what more you need to do. Instead, heed Joseph Smith’s counsel to ‘cheerfully do all things that lie in [your] power; and then … stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the … arm [of God] … revealed’ I interpret this is as even though I have not yet received the healing I am seeking as fast as I want, I need to stop and trust God to take care of things. After all, I am not stronger, or smarter than God! So, why am I trying to do it all myself? I'm truly tired, even exhausted at times, and it's all my fault.
This lesson is probably mostly for me, but just in case anyone else needs an invitation, slow down, rest up, and trust God just a little bit more. Also, I believe the word "No" may be appropriate at times! Communicating boundaries matters too.

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