A Letter

If I had the chance to speak to all of my friends in a collective moment about my perspective on dating and courtship this is what I would say.... 

Dear Friends, 

    For the past week or two I have been pondering intensely what I would say to you about dating and courtship. In order to formulate my thoughts I write to you this letter wishing that somehow you could be changed even just a little bit in your attitudes and behaviors about dating, the opposite sex, and the doctrine of the family. Many of you actually have it together. You know what you should do, and you are doing it. To the rest of us I offer my simple perspective.

First, dating isn't actually about you! (Yes, I know that sounds shocking and yes marriage does affect the rest of eternity, but it really isn't about you.) Think of our first parents Adam and Eve. When they were in the garden of Eden before they partook of the fruit they were essentially "dating with the purpose of getting married" When the choice was placed before them it wasn't easy. Eve, seeing the importance the choice would have on their posterity committed to the idea first, but equally as challenging was Adam's choice to leave behind a beautiful garden, peaceful home, and state of happiness for something greater.
Yes, that may sound silly, but in this analogy I am comparing the beauty of single life to that of the garden of Eden. We work hard. We tend and cultivate ourselves and our talents. We appreciate the beauty of the world and everything found therein. We see members of the opposite sex and form friendships and work together. (We can be happy and productive while single!)

However, we are not meant to stay in this state forever! There are more of God's children that need to come to the earth! We cannot progress to the fullest extent in our current condition. Also, the Lord is Hastening the Work of Salvation. The greatest way for us to participate in that is to create and nourish Christ centered homes and families.

Second my friends (Myself included), one of the greatest lessons we can learn now while we are single is how to treat and interact with others. We could all use a great deal of improvement in this area. Before you act please think! Again, it's not always about us. Think how would another person feel if I made this choice? Am I being fair or right to them? Will they be able to misinterpret my behavior or intentions by how I am currently acting?

To be specific.... ,  I would tell you sisters to follow the counsel of Dallin H. Oaks “I think you should lock the pantry and bolt the front door.” We need to help the brethren rise to a higher standard of dating by making it more difficult for them to hang out and fill their bellies! If we invested as much time and energy into helping them maintain this higher standard we would all be a lot less frustrated.

Sisters, be sure that you don't over look the hidden treasures. We often get caught up with stupid lists from young womens that are unrealistic and silly. We aren't looking for perfection my friends because we are not perfect ourselves!! We should focus on the most important things and give everyone a chance. Often we are blind to what is sitting right in front of us.

Further, we must show the brethren that we know that inexpensive dates are preferred. Dallin H. Oaks further states “please make it easier for these shy males to ask for a simple, inexpensive date. Part of making it easier is to avoid implying that a date is something very serious” Remember that a date is simply a date… a 2 hour opportunity to get to know a child of God. Also, for your own benefit please don’t allow young men to vent their dating frustrations with you! You are pretty awesome yourself, and if they can't see that, then remind them but shutting them down and telling them who you are!

Brethren,  I would like to discuss with you what it means to be a gentlemen. If I could site a specific instance to illustrate a point that would be most helpful. One day a young man in the ward went to a young sister and asked her to accompany him on an adventure. Two days later he asked that sister if it was okay to bring a girl that he liked along for the adventure. The first girl thought it was a date. The guy was oblivious the entire time that feelings were hurt. Think before you act!

When asking for dating advise please counsel with the Lord in your prayers and with your priesthood leaders and parents. Asking other members of the ward for help can at times be draining and frustrating. Girls often are nice and they want to help you. However, you may be missing an opportunity to date someone because you are distracted. When interacting with a young lad,y get to know her and stop worrying about the girl you don't even have the courage to ask on a date.

I would also direct you to the Mormon message about deep beauty. I feel that too many of you are looking only for physical attraction. While I agree that this is important, this is also something that develops and the most important attribute of any potential date is their heart and their standards. Young men please date your friends. If you feel comfortable enough with a young lady to ask her for dating advice you obviously trust her. Trust is a great foundation for dating.

Finally, If had the chance to visit with each one of you individually I would grab you in a giant hug and help you see how deeply your Heavenly Father loves you! Never let your worth be determined by the number of dates you are or are not receiving!!! Remember that in the eyes of God you are important. He has a plan for you. You have friends and family that love you! There are countless people that are praying for you who don't even know you. I am praying for you each by name.

I speak briefly of hope. There are many in our audience (myself included at times), who don't have an ounce of hope that they will have any dating opportunities. This is simply untrue. Satan would have you believe that! Heavenly Father would have you remember again that you are part of your own individualized plan of happiness! God knows you! There is hope for each of us to overcome our imperfections through the Atonement of Jesus Christ in all aspects of life! Even dating!

We can help each other to feel of God's love by remembering that dating isn't actually about us,  and treating each other more as who we really are!

Love,

A Friend  

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