Life: The ordinary miracle

Mother’s Day is a beautiful time of celebration for many. But for those who are walking the difficult path of infertility, it can be a day of heartache, quiet grief, and unspoken longing. While others are surrounded by flowers, cards, and family gatherings, many women feel left out of a celebration that touches the deepest part of their identity and hope. Why It Hurts Infertility is a private sorrow that often goes unseen. Every pregnancy announcement, baby shower, or Mother’s Day tribute can feel like a reminder of what hasn’t happened yet—or what may never come. The pain is real, even if it’s invisible to others. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland once compassionately said: “To you who are single, widowed, divorced, or have no children, I say: Do not lose hope. The Lord loves you. He knows your heart. He has not forgotten you.” —Jeffrey R. Holland, “Because She Is a Mother”, April 1997 This reassurance is vital. God sees the whole picture. He understands the desires of our hearts and ho...

Post surgery I continue to hear the phrase "just rest!" It's ironic because this phrase has created an internal and external battle for me. I have not been blessed with the gift of being still. In fact, if the scriptures were written about me it would say, "Be busy, and try to stay out of God's way". Don't worry, I won't change the scriptures, I'll try to adapt myself to the Bible as it stands. First I will illustrate part of the problem I face in adapting to being still. Let me share some real life examples that make it hard to slow down. "Hey Ashley I know you have surgery today, but I have a question..." "Hey don't do too much... but could you make sure you are here for the four terminations we have on Thursday? Can you also finish payroll. Oh, and we need some severance packages too" "Hey Ashley just make sure you rest... but could you start working with a loan officer to buy the house? Would you mind review...

For two years I have had a companion in the "great harvester". I'll never forget when I woke up in the hospital in 2022 and there was a bag attached to my side. I was told prior to the surgery that there was a 2% chance of such an event, but I couldn't understand how it had happened. The kindest nurse came in and tried to make it ok. She told me that naming things attached to our body can make them become less of a burden, and more of a blessing. At the time I wasn't in much of a joking mood, but tried to keep my humor... this Stoma would literally touch everything I ever ate. Thus the birth of the great harvester. During the past several years I cannot count the number of uncomfortable situations I have shared with the Great Harvester. Sometimes my stoma was far too powerful for the accompany bag and would spread it's goodness all over everywhere, and mostly all over me. Carrying an extra change of clothes (or three) became the norm. I learned very quic...

Have you ever sat wondering why God was mad at you? Somehow you must have sinned, or done something that would cause punishment for all of these really hard trials and challenges to be happening in your life. Perhaps you began to take an inventory reviewing your choices with a fine tooth comb to try and figure out when it all went wrong. You may have begun to compare yourself with others and notice how much better, or worse than they are from you. Perhaps there were lots of tears, prayers, and confusion. This is how it felt for me. It challenged my perspective of the God I believe in. You see, I thought the God that I knew was a loving God who created miracles in the lives of His children. I had been far from perfect, but was striving to be a good person, to keep the commandments, and even to serve others around me. I'd just finished an incredibly rigrous education and was excited to begin working in my chosen field of business and making a difference. My only desire was for...

The year 2020 will be in history books forever. Lives have been lost, families have been separated, and we have been wearing masks for the past 11 months and counting. We are living a "new normal". Today Nathan and I would like to publically apologize that it took the world shutting down to create the biggest miracle of our lives. Thank you world for taking one for the team, team Dawes! You see, during this year of crazy two mid single adults who were lonely and bored decided to return to the mutual dating app. Neither had any hope of it going anywhere, but in a moment of something that can only be described as God inpsired, two folks both swiped right. A conversation began and a shy fella and a sassy lady made a connection. That's right, a connection was formed in a pandemic. In the beginning the world was shut down and getting together was not an option. Thankfully technology had us covered. We began with virtual dates. Facebook messenger became our newest date loca...

While growing up my parents frequently asked me to take out the trash. It is a simple task, but if you don't do it weird smells can fill the entire kitchen, and at times the entire hours. This can make living everyday life less enjoyable. It may sound strange, but it made me think, couldn't the same be true for clearing the trash out of souls? Dating for me has been more adventurous than I care to admit. Many young men have sadly been more interested in having an object than a relationship. This happened to me again pretty recently. My friend of over a year decided to cross the friend boundary and make things more complicated. Long story short he wanted a physical relationship only when he wanted it and when it suited him best. He wanted me to come when he called and on his terms. He pushed boundaries and ignored the word no. He didn't make me feel too good. In fact, he made me feel like trash. Suddenly someone I trusted and often relied on became someone that I ...

Thoughts swirling in my head. “you would be better off dead”, “Just quit trying, you are tried” and other precarious versions along the same lines. Darkness surrounding me, sadness from a depth I can’t identify. Anxiety at an all time high. Sleep, I can’t get enough sleep, 10 or 12 hours and still so exhausted. Making plans and committing to anything becomes an overwhelming burden. Being in charge of anyone in any scenario becomes the hardest of all. Others depending on me when I can’t depend on myself. Tears, fountains of tears.   I hear in my head, “Help! You need help!” Jeffery R Holland said, “Among the realities we face as children of God living in a fallen world is that some days are difficult, days when our faith and our fortitude are tested. These challenges may come from a lack in us, a lack in others, or just a lack in life, but whatever the reasons, we find they can rob us of songs we so much want to sing”   Oh how I want to sing the joy filled songs. “Wh...

          Do you ever had days when you feel like you have reached your limit. You can't possibly continue forward because you are spent and too tired to want to try? Yeah I haven't had one of those days since yesterday. After over 6 months of being ill with no answers, it was just another Manic Monday as the song would say.        I was returning to my office after running to the bathroom for the 7th time in not too many hours, and trying to remain positive and focused on work. The thought came to turn on the radio. After a couple of songs the radio spoke to me. "If you're going through Hell, keep on moving.... you might get out before the Devil even knows you're there". I could not stop laughing. God knew how frustrated I had been feeling. While I can't say I often use such a song to find comfort and solace, at that particular moment it was really working for me. Laughter was the medicine I needed to make it through the rest of that work d...

You are not always welcome, but you often do come by You have a way of bringing tears to my heart and my eye. You change my way of thinking and give new ways to see That others are the most important thing God gave to me.  At times you leave a question of what the purpose is now and why on earth you get to take them early on somehow.  Though with the sadness and the grief, you leave a gift too. The chance for true reflection, to think through and through.  You help me see the hand of God working from up above.  You help me see the way He shows me of His perfect love. You bless others with their chance to serve and bless my life.  You make me thankful for tender moments amidst the strife.  So while I do not always wish your company day by day I am in fact thankful for the important role you get to play.   Death, could it be possible that you are actually my friend, A ge...

  It has been an interesting holiday time. One that I will not soon forget, and yet one that if possible I don't really wish to relive. Work weather, and wackiness all aligned to prevent me from going anywhere for the holidays. That's right folks just me my pj's and netflix. Actually, I handled it better than I would have thought because of the amazing gift of technology. (Google hangout and facebook video chat can be real life savers it turns out)   People have come back to my home now, but are off doing their various other tasks, and for whatever reason I just felt like no one was there. I think they call this loneliness. I rushed to my room and knelt down on my knees to find the friend I knew I could rely on. God and I chatted a bit and I told him my predicament. He understood of course.    Suddenly on my phone came up a live stream from youtube. Not exactly the answer I was expecting. I decided to click on the link anyway because you really never know. The Pi...

Does anyone else struggle with the grass is greener mentality? When I am skinny then I will be happy. When I have a nice house, then I will feel successful. When I get straight a's then I will be smart. When I go on several dates in a week, then I will like dating. Well, recently I have had the chance to stand on the greener side of the pasture.There are perks, but there are still problems. Just because you are skinnier, doesn't mean you don't find things wrong with your body. Just because you get a promotion, doesn't mean you won't still feel inadequate at work. Just because you go on lots of dates in a week doesn't mean you won't find the process frustrating. (this one by the way also may cause your friends to hate you) Maybe then this principle applies to other things. For example, one day as I leave the brown pastures of single life, and enter the green pastures of marriage there will still be problems. Or maybe when I own my own home I will have to pa...

The other day a friend asked me a very sincere question, "Ashley, who are you besides spiritual" At first I wasn't sure if it was a compliment or a complaint. The truth is I didn't have an answer in that moment and it has been on my mind ever since. To answer the question I think two other questions must be addressed. First, who am I? Second what is spirituality? The answer to these questions together can solve the mystery here. First, who am I? Well I am your typical Mormon girl and wear a few different titles. First, I am child of God. Second, I am daughter, a sister, a cousin, an aunt, -a member of a family. Third, I am a social media guru, and a merchandiser- I am a worker. Fourth- I am a friend. Fifth- I am a writer, image designer, music lover, event planner- I am a creator. Sixth- I am a BYU, U of A, Steelers, Cardinals, Red Sox watching sports fan! Seventh- I am a get lost in the words, lose track of time, book worm. Eighth- I love to ask questions, parti...

 This is from a guest blogger. He says it well so I'm spreading the word! :) So this is is going to be kinda long and I apologize, but too bad, nobody is making you read this. So I've seen a several people link to the article about the fact that Ordain Women is going to be wearing purple to the general women's meeting, and saying that you shouldn't wear purple. So if you didn't know, Ordain Women is wearing purple to the meeting. Now, I'm all for avoiding accidental profe ssions of support for creeds you don't support, but I have a totally different view on what we should do to about it. Now, this is not a post about my feelings for the ordain women movements, my feelings about about the general church memberships response to the ordain women movement, or my feelings toward the color purple, that would be a different post for a different time, but for the sake of understanding where I am coming from: I disagree with ordain women but support t...

As you watch the news recently, you may have noticed the media trying to portray that Mormon women want the priesthood. I think it should be made clear that this not the stance of most Mormon Women! There is a small group of extremists going around claiming that they are ready to receive the priesthood. Many of these sisters say that they are active LDS women. If this is true, why are they directly going against the council of the prophet who has asked them not to demonstrate on temple square?   One of the unique positions that we as members of the church have is to know that here is a prophet on the earth today and that God speaks through that prophet. In the Doctrine and Covenants we read “whether by my voice or the voice of my servants it is the same” (Doctrine and Covenants 1:38) The way that I understand this scripture is that if the prophet and first presidency of the church are speaking it is the same as if the Lord is speaking. Well, the council has been given. T...

Recently, I had the chance to take a long road trip with my family. Road trips are the best because so many crazy things can happen, but you also have quite a lot of time to think. We had a minivan and a moving truck in a caravan from Utah to Washington. When I began the trip I noticed quickly that it was easier for me to watch for the all clear so that when I changed lanes, or speeds, or anything it would be possible for the moving truck to follow too. I was watching in my rear view mirror for the ideal time to get over and out of the way. Things were going pretty smoothly. Every move I made was calculated and planned. If traffic was coming up quickly behind us I would wait and let them pass before making our move. My little brother was driving the moving van. Like clock work if I moved over he would quickly follow my lead. He would check his mirrors too, but my path was an extra insurance that he wasn't missing something in His blind spots. We also had a walkie talkie set and w...

Have you ever had those days when you wake up and your to do list has more things on it then there are hours in the day? Have you ever felt like you had too much to do and far too little time with which to do it? Well recently this is where I found myself. With good intentions abounding I started to commit myself to helping people with thing after thing. Suddenly along with 2 jobs, 2 side jobs,  and 2 callings in church, I also had several other volunteer opportunities, and many commitments that I was unable to fully complete. Meanwhile, I also had a growing pile of dirty laundry, an empty refrigerator, black circles were forming under my eyes,  I was becoming less patient with everyone around me, and I was becoming unhappy from a thing that usually brings me great amounts of joy. The things I said that I would do were happening very slowly, if at all. Then it occurred to me that even though I had the intentions of helping people I wasn't helping them at all because I wa...

Yesterday a family friend passed away suddenly. Last week was the 10 year anniversary of my Father's passing. My friends just got out of a very long relationship. My other friend's wife walked out on him. There are wars, crime, and violence all around.We live in a world that is not exempt from things that are sad and hard. As I have been pondering these events a beautiful and simple scripture has been coming to my mind. Said the Savior, "Blessed are those that mourn, they shall be comforted." At first I wondered how on earth someone could consider mourning to be a blessing, but as I reflected on my life's experiences I gained a testimony of this principle. Mostly I came to understand for me at least, the value of comfort.  In John 14:26-27 we read:    26  But the  a Comforter ,  which is  the  b Holy Ghost , whom the Father will send in my  c name , he shall  d teach  you all things, and bring all things to your remembr...